Release Announcement: Black Road Sky (version 0.3)

Download Black Road Sky v0.3 here!

Not sure if you're ready to part with your hard earned zero dollars? Hype yourself off the fence with this release trailer!

There's no in-game tutorial, but the itch.io page includes a basic guide to getting started and I'm about to start working on a comprehensive video tutorial series. Stay tuned to the all new Potato Clock Games YouTube channel for updates.

New Release: The Birdgod Tarot

 Finally, a cumbersome virtual fantasy card deck with no intended purpose!

I woke up in the middle of the night like a month ago with this dumb idea and I couldn't fall back asleep so I started making it and now it exists. The UI/UX is terrible, as always. The deck structure is based on the Shenzhen IO solitaire deck, so if you want a real pain-in-the-ass way to play a specific version of solitaire then I got you fam.

NEW RELEASE: Clicker Game for Kids (K-12)

 I want to make a positive impact on the world, so I made an educational game for kids. It is called Clicker Game for Kids (K-12) and it is available on potatoclockgames.com for kids, educators, and the young at heart disease I mean heart.

 

Maybe you're thinking hey man it seems like you're just making dumb JavaScript games lately because you're afraid to get back to work on Black Road Sky because there's no risk in making something intentionally dumb and what if you actually give something your all just to see it fail like what would that say about your worth as a person that's pretty scary stuff but actually maybe you should just mind your own god damn business, buckaroo.

NEW RELESE: JUMP 666

 I just made one of the dumbest things I've ever made.

Ladies & gents, it's JUMP 666, the title says it all, check it out today on potatoclockgames.com!

I made this game in a few hours, following this tutorial for the bulk of it, after learning that you can do keyframe animations in CSS. WHAT!? Why in the name of fuck would you want to do that? Who is sitting around wishing that CSS was more fiddly and complicated? JUMP 666 aims to answer these questions and more.

For the haxorz, the scholars, the rascals:

• JUMP 666 HTML
• JUMP 666 CSS
• JUMP 666 JavaScript
  

Release Announcement: Flood

Flood is a small, casual puzzle game based on the ancient Tibetan art of the paint bucket fill tool. Check it out at potatoclockgames.com!

Space Wizard Ultra Demo Re-Release!

I have succumbed to the crushing weight of public demand and spent a few miserable hours figuring out how to to compile the old Space Wizard Ultra demo into something playable.

You know where to find it, baby.

Wumpus Bastards Release Announcement

Play it today at potatoclockgames.com!

What a bastard.

T-Rex Poop Quest Release Announcement

Hyperlink your way over to potatoclockgames.com to check out T-Rex Poop Quest, a short text-based RPG featuring a T-Rex, some poop, and a bunch of quests, among other things. Other things like playground-terrorizing dinosaur punks, a drug addicted pterodactyl, Bill Clinton, a gang of yuppie raptors, plenty of stolen and unattributed art assets and intellectual property and lots, lots, more!

Actually, not that much more. It's pretty short. Have fun!

Giraffe Adventures Official Release & Origins Tale

Get it while it's hot from potatoclockgames.com!

The Origins of Giraffe Adventures

So, one day, many years ago, I was bored at work & realized that what little HTML I had learned in high school had evaporated out through my ears & into the cosmos. I threw together some simple linked pages just to assure myself that, in a life or death situation where the most rudimentary knowledge of HTML would come in handy, I would have a shot at survival. Those pages were the first few of Giraffe Adventures. I'd add a little more to it whenever I was bored & it soon grew into an unmanageable pile of HTML files with bizarre names meant to convey their position in the branching structure. I promptly forgot about it.

I stumbled back upon it recently & there were some laugh-out-loud moments, but still, it just seemed like too much of a pain in the ass to work on. For better or worse, someone introduced me to Twine at about this same time, which is a cool, free, open source tool for doing branching HTML story kinds of things. So, fuck, I figured I had to finish Giraffe Adventures now.

It took way longer than I thought it would. I can't believe I spent so much time on this thing. I mean, I'm glad that I did, if ever there were a story that had to be told, it is Giraffe Adventures, but jesus fuck. You know?

Anyway, if you're an alien in the future curating a museum exhibit on The Spectacular Downfall of The Human Race & you'd like to use Giraffe Adventures as an example of the horrifying decline of human culture & society, then maybe you could put the above paragraphs on a little plaque next to the exhibit. Otherwise, I'm not sure of how it could be of any use to anyone. What am I doing with my life?

Love,
Potato Clock Games

Justin Bieber's Mega CockBlockaz Official Release!

The internet's premier Beliebers-only puzzle game is now available from potatoclockgames.com!

While the first installment of Justin Bieber's now infamous Mega CockBlockaz puzzle game series was released in Japan to overwhelmingly positive reviews, legal battles over the game's graphically sexual nature and overtly racist message stalled & eventually prevented an official U.S. release. The game's sequel, Justin Bieber's Mega CockBlockaz 2, has been censored heavily for U.S. audiences, though keen players will still find it difficult to ignore the game's racist overtones. Bieber has publicly denounced the U.S. version, complaining that it, "seriously detracts from [his] original message."

Get in on the controversy! See what all your favorite celebrities are blathering on about!

"While I am obviously disgusted by the game's shameless racist soapboxing, I cannot help but to find myself equally enthralled by the way that these brilliant puzzles have changed the way that I see the world. Everything that I have, I owe to this game."

-Kim Kardashian and also Bill Gates

LET'S BLOCK SOME COCKS!

Surprise Double Header!

STOP THE FUCKING PRESSES.

Head over to potatoclockgames.com to snag 2 of the worst games ever made! These were going to be part of Outer Space Future Battle Massacre 1997 but just didn't quite fit in, so I'm releasing them on their own.

Revenge of the Vengeance from the Future of Outer Space is a short (like, 1 small level short) first person shooter made in Game Maker. PROTIP: you should not try to make a first person shooter in Game Maker. I can't believe it works at all. The music is pretty good & the enemy models are homemade stuffed animals but somehow that doesn't make up for the horrible controls & even worse level design.

HyperLincoln is an almost sort of cool fake computer hacking game. It's actually the first of like 10 levels that I just never got around to making. I'd kind of like to finish it but I had no idea of how to really program when I started it & the code is a god damn nightmare so this is all you get. It's winnable in about 2 minutes once you know what you're doing.

Sunrise Sunset Official Release!

Sunrise Sunset is finished & available for download at potatoclockgames.com!

About that exclamation point. I'm not here to betray your trust. I'm excited because I'm done with it, not because I'm proud of it.

Like I've said, this was like the 3rd game I ever started & it's a mess. But it's playable, it's short, & I think it offers a few interesting moments, at least.

INTERESTING MOMENTS, SEE. LIKE THIS ONE.

Jack Ham Zero Official Release

Jack Ham Zero: Caverns of the Heart is complete & available for download from the Potato Clock Games website. Jack Ham Zero: Soundtrack of the Heart is available as well.

I'll leave you with the game's intro text:

"Mayday, mayday, George Washington here with an urgent message from the past. Electro-gravitational time-space history waves are undulating across the cosmos. There is only one possible source: JACK HAM. Only you can stop him. Benjamin Franklin estimates the wave will crest on December 21, 2012. Franklin is kind of a douche but he just might be right. You must stop Jack Ham before it is too late! George Washington over and out."

RGB Official Release

RGB is officially available from the Potato Clock Games website.

The save/load system took like 15 minutes to code & I decided not to worry about the shitty audio design. Instead of encrypting the save file in any way I just added a note in there that Jesus was watching. That oughta do it, yeah?

I'm still 2 achievements short of 100%ing my own game & I think that's the way it's going to stay.

Rogue Matrix Official Release

Rogue Matrix is finished & has been uploaded to the Potato Clock Games website. I actually think it turned out pretty well for what it is, which is a shitty, low effort roguelike.

Enjoy! For like, a minute. Then do something else. In the meantime, I'll figure out which game I should get cracking on next.