So back in like 2006, when Nintendo's Wii first came out, my cousin Chrissy Dubs & I were getting wasted on vodka & lemonade at his parent's house & playing through like $200 worth of rented Wii games. One of them was a Madden football game, I don't remember anything about it except that the loading screens offered up bits of football history & player biographies, including that of some guy called Jack Ham. All of the ingredients were there: a sweet name, a powerful vodka buzz, & loading screen induced boredom. By the end of the game we had developed a rich Jack Ham mythology & by the end of the day we had started work on a book of poems entitled 'Elegy for Jack Ham'. So that's how the whole Jack Ham thing started, just in case anyone wants to make a Potato Clock Games expansion for Trivial Pursuit or something.
Anyway, I just came across a copy of 'Elegy for Jack Ham', here are a few of my favorite short ones. Yeah, they're all titled 'Elegy for jack Ham':
Elegy for Jack Ham
The television blurs & Jack
lifts his left ass cheek
to fart.
Elegy for Jack Ham
This football is broken.
It has a soul.
Elegy for Jack Ham
When he saw what he had done,
he drank the ocean & cried.
Elegy for Jack Ham
In the future, he finds himself
pouring beers for assholes.
The wet tables remind him of the women
he left behind. Moist instant replays
contradict his memory -- the pictures
he forced down. Bad call, coach.
Bad fucking call.
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